Self-destruction, a word so heavy and serious that whoever hears it panics at the very moment. It is a universal belief that a person who is self-destructive or feels suicidal would do that in real life. But, it’s not true.
It all began in Childhood
I did not face any trouble at home while growing up, no parental fight for that matter, and no physical violence. But these thoughts started crossing my mind from that very early age. I was a school going kid when for once I had a query in my mind about pushing the kitchen knife into my stomach. But I had no intentions of dying.
I like to wander across those thoughts of harming myself, but I don’t really want to do those things. The thoughts of taking in a lot of sedatives and sleeping forever kind of blows my mind, or how much pain would a car accident can inflict. What bothers me the most is I can never share these thoughts with anyone. The moment I would start venting out, I would become the center of attention for my friends, family. They would constantly live in the fear that I will harm myself someday.
Distress, sadness, depression-these are like quicksand. The more you try to come out of it, it pulls you downwards, pushing you deeper into it. Irrespective of the happiness you have today, you can be in a state of swelling your eyes out of crying tomorrow, when no one is around to hear and you would feel like losing control. Depression we like getting hit by the bad decisions you have taken. There is no power that can really make it go away.
One After Another
It’s like a huge pile of weight which is increasing every moment you try to cope up with. There comes a moment when you cannot take it anymore and you just fall down with the whole weight causing a great damage. For the time being its over but the same will come to haunt again, irrespective of time.
Does Anyone feel The Same?
It is not something usual like having a plan of a trip to somewhere, or having a thought about an event. It is the thought of killing oneself, and that can never be a common thought. But internet broke the myth as soon as I came to know about various other people who think like me, without the plan of killing themselves in the near future.
Not Unattached From World
I ignored this and only after talking about it makes my painless. I would suggest all of you talk, vent out. It can be a close friend, parents, therapist. You are not abandoned and there are many people like you. Never feel desolated.