Falling in love is easy. Staying in love, on the other hand, takes a little more work-it takes a lot of work, actually. In order to retain and strengthen love, there is a recipe, a concoction rather, that seals and fortifies the connection. I bet you’re thinking that communication is the main tool for staying in love, but that’s not true. Here’s the truth behind a long-lasting relationship. It might surprise you.
Why communication isn’t the cure all
We’ve heard it many times over, how communication is key to a strong relationship. And it makes sense, in a way, seeing as sharing thoughts and ideas is crucial to forming a bond. But communication doesn’t play the largest part in relationships, and it’s not what ultimately holds things together. Sorry, but those ideals that drove you toward forming the perfect relationship may be the reason it’s still not what it could be.
The desire for better communication in hopes of a solid relationship has driven couples to seek therapy. They want to know how to communicate for efficiently with their lovers. They go to workshops, buy books and read articles on how to perfect this art. So, if we are trying too hard to find resources and help, then why isn’t communication proving to be the most useful aspect. If we are learning to talk and share ideas then why are we still having problems, and major ones?
A different perspective
Maybe, if we flipped the script a little, we can understand why communication isn’t the fix all. What if, instead of communication creating a better relationship, communication was actually the result of a great relationship that was already established. Maybe being able to talk about any and everything is the result of already having a good connection. If that’s true, then we would be right back at square one! Well, unless I had another set of answers for you. Don’t worry, I have the solution…read on.
A recent study from the University of Georgia backs up this theory pretty well. Apparently, communication alone could not account for satisfaction between couples. Good communication present between partners was a result of other pre-existing factors. With that being said, when you notice couples who share everything with each, it’s because positive skills created this ability. Wow! Now that’s fascinating!
According to Justin Lavner, lead author of a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family,
“In general, the more satisfied you are, basically, the better you communicate.”
Although satisfaction predicted communication, it wasn’t always true the other way around. Communication did not always mean couples were satisfied. What a curious reality.
Meant to be
Now that we’ve torn down misconceptions about what makes relationships successful, we can focus on what works in real life. Unfortunately, those who fail to realize the inadequacies of communication, suffer when they realize that it doesn’t always work. Some relationships fail regardless to how much you talk things through. The truth of the matter is; successful relationships could actually come from something deeper like connections in wavelengths. Maybe there aren’t any tools, therapies and plans that can save something that isn’t simply meant to be.
The only thing you can control, however, is something called transparency.
It’s how you connect spiritually, emotionally and physically that really matters. Being radically transparent allows you to share all aspects in your life with one another, while retaining intimacy. This builds trust and stability. It’s important to let go of inhibitions and not allowing yourself to harbor negative feelings toward one another. It may seem like this is simply communication, but it’s not, it’s being open to, not only your reality but your partner’s perspective as well. Although radical transparency is painful, it’s imperative to truly connect in a way that fortifies your union beyond destruction. It really works if you can stomach the difficulties in “truth telling”.
Want to know what really works? This is the answer in a nutshell, so take notes and practice.
“This is me…this is who I am”.
By Sherrie Lee Hurd, Truth Inside Of You.