Breakups are always hard because you have to mourn someone you loved and lost.
But, time heals everything, and eventually, you’ll meet someone else. Eventually, that former lover will become a distant memory.
But, this kind of breakup is not the same. This breakup happened with a person who, no matter what you do, you cannot get over.
Not a day goes by that this person doesn’t cross your mind and your heart feels heavy.
It’s usually because the relationship is unfinished. But, you can’t tell yourself that, and you certainly can’t believe it because it will literally drive you mad.
So instead, you tell yourself you are fine, and that you can move on. You get pretty close to fooling yourself.
That is, until you hear that song, see that photo, yearn to share something or wake up thinking about him or her.
Then you are right back to square one.
There are so many people who come in and out of your life. Some you date briefly and never give a second thought to, and some you like a lot, but it doesn’t work out.
Then, there are some who crush you, who take months to get over.
But this is different; this is the feeling you get when you know something has to end right now but isn’t over for good.
You can’t just say, “I wish you the best” and move on. You can’t end that chapter because you know you can’t quit them. Not yet, and maybe not ever.
And then, you are thrust into what I like to call “love purgatory.”
It’s a place where you know who the love of your life is, but you aren’t currently together.
Maybe you dated briefly, maybe you had a full-fledged relationship or maybe, you have never been officially together.
The connection with this person is so real and strong and magnetic that you are constantly pulled back. The relationship hasn’t reached its potential yet, so it can’t be over.
In fact, this might be the person you end up with. But, you aren’t together now because of timing, schedules, missed opportunities or blah, blah, blah.
So, you sit in love purgatory, just biding your time until you can both find each other again.
You don’t just sit around and listen to sad music and wait though.
You find distractions and push away what you feel in order to be a sane enough human being to function in life.
You meet other amazing, beautiful people with whom you want to work things out, but it never happens because something is off. He or she just isn’t _____ (fill in the blank with your person).
“She’s not Rachel,” is the famous line from “Friends.”
Although, it actually went more like, “She’s not Rachem,” for laughs. And, that is what this person, who has kept you in love purgatory, makes you feel; no one can ever compare.
Because when you know, you know. That connection comes around once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.
Your friends think you’re crazy, and you yourself feel crazy. Why, in a world full of billions of other people, are you allowing one to keep holding you back. You can’t answer that question.
“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” — Blaise Pascal
Some people meet someone, date, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Many others are not quite so fortunate. Some of us have to fight, breakup, makeup and go through hell with our person until it finally works out.
Maybe the problem is, again, timing. Maybe you have to learn and grow more before you can settle down.
Whatever the problem is, you know that eventually, the two of you will find each other again.
Because like Ross and Rachel, Carrie and Mr. Big, Allie and Noah and all the great love stories from movies and television, there are just some people who you can’t let go of and never will.
But, until you find your way back, you miserably sit in love purgatory, hoping to find someone or something to keep you occupied long enough to not self-destruct.
Some people will be outraged about this and think, “This is not how love is supposed to be,” or, “If you were mature about love it wouldn’t be this hard.”
But I beg to disagree, and would counter with, “How do you know?” Just because things were easy for you doesn’t mean they will be easier for everyone else.
People are very complicated and love is sometimes messy.
If it’s not that way for you, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means your path was easier.
For those of us currently in love purgatory, we will one day be with our person, too.