Relationships can be complicated, and if you’re old enough, you have experienced many examples of this. For instance, relationships require quality time, trust and an ample amount of affection. I guess this goes without say, huh? But there are other things that add depth and wisdom to a relationship.
I bet you didn’t know that relationships also require a good old healthy dose of anger too. I’m not joking! Getting mad can actually improve your relationship. Let me explain.
Losing your temper
Most of us fear anger, or at least we avoid it. Society has taught us that anger is a form of losing control. If we lose control, then everything could just fall apart with no hope of salvation. In many relationships, the fear of anger has led to wrongful apologies and base humility. When this happens, some partners use the absence of anger to get the upper hand-a form of manipulation, mind you.
That’s one reason why anger should not be so easily smothered. It can be a way to stand your ground when you need to be strong willed. This is the case at times. But there are other reasons why anger may not be that detrimental.
Go on, get mad!
Psychologist, Harriet Lerner wrote,
“Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of ourselves. Our anger can motivate us to say ‘no’ to ways in which we are defined by others and ‘yes’ to the dictates of our inner self.”
Basically, anger serves as a way to ensure that boundaries remain set. It relays to the other partner that we refuse to cross a line we have long since set for ourselves, regardless of the circumstances. When the partner tries to annihilate the boundaries, we can use anger to show that we aren’t allowing such action, and will take counter-action to fortify those boundaries. Deep huh?
Using anger correctly
Just because you get angry, doesn’t mean you have to lash out or yell at someone for doing something you do not like. Sometimes anger can act as an alert system, letting you know that a solution must be found. Rather a compromise may be the way to settle differences instead of giving in to avoid these feelings. Because, to be honest, these feelings aren’t going to go away and can resurface in other areas of your life. Anger is a way to announce the need for confrontation, which is a good thing.
It’s not always easy to understand our boundaries or to utilize anger correctly, but one thing is for certain. We never need to smother our emotions, especially the angry ones. Even if you don’t know exactly what’s making your uncomfortable, anger can be the gateway to having a civilized conversation with your mate. If you’re not sure how to deal with anger, then try breathing deeply or…yes, counting before speaking. This actually works by allowing yourself to calm down before lashing out.
Just like love, loyalty and communication are all valuable aspects of a healthy relationship, anger plays a part as well. Don’t hold back about how you truly feel.
Get mad, get it together and then let it go!
Your relationship is important and sometimes you need to lose your temper. You can gain so much more in the long run.
By Sherrie Lee Hurd, Truth Inside Of You.