Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to work out. Some are meant to teach us lessons, some are meant to make us stronger and others are meant to help us find ourselves.
They can’t — and won’t — always be perfect.
With that said, some of those no-so-perfect relationships might be heartbreaking, devastating and just bad in general.
No matter how good or bad your relationship might have been, leaving it can always be hard. As much as you may know it’s not meant to last, it’s still a huge life change. And any change can be a challenge to get used to and be happy with.
When you’re going back out into the big, bad world of being a single lady again, there are a few things you need to remind yourself that will make you feel a bit better about what you’re going through:
1. A relationship should make your life happier and easier.
No matter who broke up with whom, it’s hard to go through a breakup. Dealing with breaking someone else’s heart or having your own heart broken is difficult, but sometimes necessary. Remember there’s a reason you aren’t in that relationship anymore.
Many times, things just get too hard, too heated or too complicated. While it may be hard to say goodbye, sometimes it’s necessary, especially when a healthy relationship should be just that: healthy. It should be easy.
Being in a relationship should make your life happier. Your companion should add something positive to your life.
Sometimes, the bad starts to outweigh the good, and then it’s time for it to come to an end. It might be hard, but sometimes it’s for the best.
2. You should never feel unsafe or trapped.
This should go without saying, but if you’re feeling trapped or unsafe in your relationship, it’s probably best for you to get out ASAP. If you’re in a relationship where you’re not feeling comfortable, ending things will be for the best.
You have to remind yourself there are always people who are there to help in these types of situations and can act as lifelines. You need to remember your comfort is essential, especially in a relationship.
3. You need to focus on making yourself happy.
If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship, your first thought may be, “Where can I find the closet hot, single prospective boyfriend?”
I know this feeling all too well, and I can tell you from experience nothing good comes from it. You shouldn’t look for a boyfriend just so you can be surrounded by someone.
Surround yourself with friends and family instead. They’ll always be there for you even when some guy isn’t.
It’s important to remind yourself after starting to live the single life that you need to focus on yourself for a while before diving into the dating world again. Everything takes time, especially healing after a relationship.
Plus, great things come when you least expect them. If you’re out desperately searching for a new boyfriend, chances are, you won’t find what you’re looking for. Desperate vibes will more than likely attract someone who knows they can have you easily. You want someone who is willing to work to have you and appreciate you if and when they do.
4. There are other people out there for you.
If this ex of yours broke your heart, just remember everything happens for a reason. Even though not having this guy in your life may seem like the end of the world to you, just remember there are millions of people out there.
It might suck to have to deal with a few shitty guys to find another one who seems worthy of you, but they’ll all be great lessons for you. They’ll help you learn what you do (or don’t) want in a significant other, and that will only make things clearer for you when the right one comes along.
5. It may take you more time to get over it than you expected.
Depending on the nature of your breakup, it might take longer than you expected to completely get over it. You should remind yourself that that’s OK, though.
You aren’t expected to hop right back into the dating world and be OK. Especially if you were with your significant other for a long period of time, it’s totally acceptable to be upset.
What will help you get over it is great friends, tons of laughter and putting the focus on yourself and your own happiness. Think about it: Even when everyone else is gone, you’re left with yourself. So, making sure you’re happy and comfortable in your own shoes is essential after leaving a bad relationship.
6. You deserve the best.
You should always, always, always remember this statement. You should never settle in for less than you deserve in a relationship. Why settle when there are plenty of other incredible people in the world who can give you exactly what you’re looking for?