Self Improvement

The Secret Language of Narcissists: How Abusers Manipulate their Victims.

  • Aussy, mate

  • 1 in 25?? Wow! I definitely know a few and have had some havoc in my past more then once. I’m always curious if it’s nature or nurture? Perhaps it’s both.

    • Psychopath – nature
      Sociopath – nurture

      I think

      • Gunnar Norseman

        Socipath is where it ties in more with the social side of things.

    • that’s right

  • yes if you agree

  • I’ve known narcasistic types there just insecure and very sad fools

  • I would go as far as 50% the world is full of givers and takers

  • Felipe Rodriguez Edis !!!! in seiner wahren Schönheit

  • i picked two, never again.

  • I think that’s a low estimate.

  • Diana Reyes Peimbert

  • Facts that should be known to more people.

  • really scaring…!

  • I’d say that figure is very optimistic.

  • Vítor Garcia

    I’ve lived all those things a few years ago, and for someone who still feeling some emotional/intelectual pains because of this kind of destructive people, I can say that all of what is written are very true!
    Narcisistics are jsut like plagues, parasites! They pretend to be good listeners and good friends in the begining, because they want to know your mind, your dreams, your weaknesses, and everything else they can.

    So, when they know you more deeply they begin to attack your weaknesses and turn you into a species of mental slave / emotional one. They make you believe that they are right in what they say, and for that use thousands of strategies, threaten to become nervous, destroy their self-esteem, taunt you etc. And through this blackmail game and handling a narcissist will draining your potential, your intelligence, destroying your life slowly and making you feel guilty about it. It is really horrible and people really have to be very attentive to this kind of behavior and fade away from people so as soon as possible.

    But there is a simple solution to all this: Self love! love yourself 100%, always rely on their capabilities and their potential and never, ever let anyone tell you that you are not able, to belittle and anyway sabotage you or do you you believe that you are unable. Love yourself! love yourself!

    • Shawn Arstill

      YOU ARE RIGHT. Mr. Garcia my mom was my monster. it started before I even turned 12mo. It was a horrible life in her home. the worst part is she actually raised two others that still to this day just say “you know how mom is. she lives in her own little world and we never challenge her on it”. IT IS BEYOND MESSED UP. my father on his death bed, well a few months before he died, spent 4 days apologizing to me for her. he told me he allowed her behavior to continue even though he knew what she was doing. it was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. When I was two I heard my gramma, his mother, basically scolding my dad for allowing it and told him he’d better fix things. He didn’t. I started running away from home at 8. We were very upper middle class, plenty of money, etc…no drugs, no alcohol etc. it was definitely a case of ”don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. I still today am blamed and looked down on by my ”family” for crap she did. she is 83 now and I just don’t understand how in the world she can live with that kind of guilt…oh yeah she has no guilt. she says she moves on and doesn’t dwell on things. if you never talk about stuff then you get to keep moving forward. I on the other hand wake almost every day with her in my minds eye. Still the little kid screaming for my mommy. it took a LOOOOONG time to love me. but I got there around 30. I sure do wish we could at the least talk about stuff and she’d take SOME responsibility, but…………………………………

    • Shawn Arstill

      p.s. if you ever want to chat i’m on f.b.

  • you just described donald trump,….

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      EXACTLY!!!!

    • Tammy Strasser

      Yes!!!! This is exactly what he’s done to his followers.. duping his followers into believing in him to get elected and then using that massive platform to instill his madness on the FBI, news media, the world! Anybody he finds threatening is to be incompetent, at fault for his actions and words and then manipulates his followers to believe its true.. So so sad, Americans fell for this and are blind to what he’s actually doing on a very grand scale now that he is potus. Scary to think of him and Bannon teamed up in the WH. America is in big, big trouble. Might I add he has actually said repeatedly”we will be winning again” exactly as it is stated in this article. He’s literally used key words. The name calling and then his followers brush it off as that’s Trump he speaks his mind! No he’s iill! God help us.

  • c’est n’est pas normal

  • Really good article.

  • Is there any cure for their behavior? Inter generational egoism, taught or learnt damn cruelist thing ever.

  • Narcissism is no longer a “disorder” according to the DSM, as over 1/3 of the population tests into it. Does anyone know about neurological research about the brains of narcissists?

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      No…do you have information available you can point those interested, to? Gad! 1/3

    • VegasGhost

      I’m going out on a limb here and saying that it’s a product of human nature and evolution over time. We are constantly trying to outdo ourselves and each other, and because we are never going to do exactly what one another wants from each other, we always want to bribe one another to do it, so this is the byproduct. Constant manipulation that leaves each always on guard, emotions too volatile and it’s anymore too typical for humans to be suceptible to it.

  • I survived one.

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      good for you! I’m still reaping the results of the abuse, even though I finally escaped.

  • You cannot fix crazy.

  • Haydee Fontiveros

  • Sounds lagit

  • That’s a lot of sociopaths…

  • That sounds about right. There’s alot of crazies running around.

  • Wow…and this is why I am not in a relationship…picked 3 in a row. I’m happy and greatful to be single

  • That is true!

  • Pierre Cy

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      Kaye Love (I know the last name is crazy-making in itself…no love in this person.

  • We all know a couple or more

  • LaQuan Miles

  • the UK is the same. i married two of them.

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      My sympathies. They can take you on a trip to hell and back.

  • I think the number is higher than 1 in 25!

  • Yea i can see it

  • This is legit.

  • This should be made available to a lot of victims….it’s straight to the point

  • The one in 25 number is very scary.

    • Patricia Mccaskill

      Scarier still is many believe the number is higher than 1 in 25. You rub shoulders with them daily.

  • NO MORE

    My mother….my brothers…my father…it started before I could talk…and continues to this day to the point where I have had to completely CUT ALL TIES….Sad, it seems, but for The Best…Survival of the human race depends upon transparency and exposing these insane people to the world for who they ARE…they can cry and complain and try to put the blame back onto you…but standing STRONG, knowing one’s OWN TRUTH ultimately defeats these losers.

  • Mirjam van den Berg

    Remember narcissists suffer. Their suffering is enormous and endless. They seem to knowingly behave as described above, but their behaviour comes from trying to escape their own deep suffering.

  • Suzanne-Anthony DeBlasie

    I am the parent of a grown 24 yr old son. I realize he is in a relationship with a woman who is displaying many of these fearsome traits. She has had me fooled for some time as well with her charm and success. Once they moved in together she completely changed and has total control in the relationship. There have been many disturbing things that have come up like I must ask her if they can join us for dinner not my son. She told him I pushed her and she has him so manipulated he completely accused me when I was shocked at this accusation he still defended her. All of his friends and family have shared concerns with me. The list of situations like this is continuous. Anyone have advise as to how I approach this with my son. She seems to have been able to turn him against me and I fear for his emotional health.

  • Naomi

    This is an interesting and useful article, especially for victims of this kind of abuse. However, I feel like the article attacks narcissists and paints them as some sort of evil without a cure, which is wrong. These narcissists are also ill, and need support and counselling. I wouldn’t be surprised if narcissists also suffer from depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. In fact, I have known people who display these traits and they have all struggled with these issues. Please consider how your article will affect a reader who sees some of these narcissistic traits in themselves, and provide some information as to where they can seek help. They are victims of their mental health too and need support, and if we don’t help them, then they will only continue to abuse.

    • Gunnar Norseman

      To be fair, so are pedophiles…victims of their own mental health, I mean.

    • Gunnar Norseman

      And sorry, but the victims of this are the…victims of this. Speaking as someone who lived trapped with a narcissist/sociopath for 5 years? This is what we need. They can find their own post to get help.

      • Naomi

        I am not devaluing what you and other victims have gone through. But the author of this article appears to be describing these people as pure evil, without a cure, of deliberately doing what they do. And while some of those people may get genuine enjoyment out of it, others, perhaps most, either don’t realise they are doing it or have many issues both as the cause and result of their behaviour. Not addressing the fact that these people are also ill is only going to aggravate the problem. As for comparing them to paedophiles, they are two quite different kinds of illnesses, but the same argument goes. Perhaps by making support more accessible and less taboo for potential paedophiles, offenders could be reduced significantly. I don’t condone paedophilia, it is the one crime that sickens me above all others, but you are right, they are ill and need help, preferably before they offend rather than after.

        As a victim you are biased against narcissists, I understand that, but please do not dismiss their need for help. This article needs to address their need for support instead of alienating them the way it does.

        • Patricia Mccaskill

          Many are difficult to help, and refuse to see they have a disorder. Believe you me. I know a Psychologist who now refuses to work with these people, they are crazy-making and he turns a person over, as soon as he knows they are NPD to his interns. He cannot deal with them any longer, even as a professional. Many think they are beyond help.

  • Patricia Mccaskill

    Lived 7.5 years around this type of person and it destroyed me. Only belatedly did I realize they were NPD and chronically so. Yep PTSD…I finally escaped but have carried the abuse internally. Working my way out of the hell I was in slowly.

  • VegasGhost

    I’m low key one a bit myself, disguised a bit like someone who wanted to be emotionally empathic to people. But I just quit when I realized they wanted to drain me like a sponge. Felt a bit too much like they were demanding my “wisdom” which felt too close to narcissism. But my mom is most assuredly one…and we have “battle of the narcs” all the time.

    These articles never tell you what to do or how to fight back in the event of living with a narc. First of all, definitely like Vitor says below. LOVE YOURSELF. That’s most important of all. REALIZE that this person who thinks they have all the power over you, once you see what they’re doing, recognize it for just that. Words and a stance they don’t really have, and tell it right back to them. Say this right to their face: “You have no power over me.” Say it and mean it! Then start walking around like that turf is yours and no one is gonna take it from you. Do and say everything like you were meant to. Watch them lose power. NEVER feel guilty for something you’re innocent of. Guilt is a choice when you’re innocent. Remember that, too. Keep your head up while you search for your escape plan. Don’t get too impatient. Good things take time. Remember that while you’re working to escape, you have the upper hand. Little do they know they’ll be on the losing end when everything is over. And you’re on your way to getting your life back. 🙂

    Good luck and Godspeed! I successfully rid myself of a few by knowing these tactics…just thought I might help out anyone who’s stuck in the rut and not knowing how to get to the next phase of the journey.

x
Don't miss a thing!