I’d Rather Be Alone Than Be With Anyone Who Doesn’t Deserve Me.

We’ve been fed with the idea that love conquers all ever since we relied on “true love’s kiss” to wake us up from horrific spells and a thousand years’ worth of sleep.

I’m not saying this is wrong, as a matter of fact this post supports it, at least partially. Movies sugarcoat affairs I’ll give you that, they provide the public with a befitting ending they all hope to achieve someday, but in reality few of them ever get to see the curtain drop with a smile on their face.

As of 2013 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce, and most relationships at my age are meaningless hookups where the guy ends up being called an idiot and the girl a psycho.

We’ve been relying on sexual tension and physical attraction rather than actually getting to know someone and giving them the time of day, as they are entitled to. Dates now rarely finish off with the boy walking his significant other to the door of her house without the expectation of receiving a “happy ending” before midnight.

I’m not a fan of jumping onto something so deeply as sharing your life with someone in a matter of weeks or a couple of months. I strongly suggest people should reach the point of running out of topics to bring up in each social engagements or romantic getaways before taking the decision of embarking into something that compromises both parties (a relationship in simpler terms).

Sadly, most fail because all it took for the guy to “bring out the big guns” and start calling that girl his girlfriend was a couple of night outs with tequila shots and two months of making out in his car. Working to gain someone’s trust and actually getting to know them no longer exists; having long conversations that do not involve vain things and pointless drama don’t prevail in this century.

Hollywood Cinema is unrealistic yes, as a matter of fact up until a few years ago the idea a woman could live without a man has been brought up to the screen. But they are right in one aspect, and that is fighting for the person you care about or have feelings for; actually showing them you care and making the effort, going against all odds, families, gravity, jobs, just to be with that one person. Falling deeply in love with all their persona and putting power and muscle into it.

Which is why I’d rather be alone then with you.

A friend once told me that if someone wants to be with you they will make it happen. The fact that I became a choice in your life is a position I never planned nor am I proud to have become.

It took me years to realize this, constant conversations with the people I love and self-meditation.

I know deep in my heart at some point in your life you did actually care about me, but I also know my worth… and that’s something that unfortunately you cannot see.

But I can, and I know I deserve someone who does not think twice about being by my side, someone whom I know that despite my crazy personality and hundreds of flaws, will accept me and love me for who I am.

I never intended to be that girl, the one who kept waiting for months for a boy, not a man, but a boy, to make up his mind about whether I was the right fit for his life.
Dependency was my second name not so long ago, but now, that I realized how much I actually have a right to wish for, is why that 10 letter word is scratched off my vocabulary.

This doesn’t make you a bad person, on the contrary, you yourself deserve to be 100% sure of the girl you want to be with. But it does not give you the privilege to come and go as you please.

Putting all my energy and time and effort onto someone or something that at the end of the day has been taking me for granted is something I’ll probably never do again.

Not only do I think it’s morally unethical for a person to not communicate their feelings and constantly keep someone on limbo, but I also have confidence that as more support towards young women grows as having a voice and seeking their self-worth, they will easily distinguish someone who truly treasures them and someone who just cannot see how valuable they are.

I may be too young to be talking so passionately about something that for my 40-year old mother may seem so trivial, but I’m also happy that at such a young age I am able to stand in my two feet and look into someone’s eyes and say “NO, I want more, I deserve more.”

Which is why I’d rather be alone then with you.

By Ivonne Rodriguez

Credits: Thought Catalog.