Being with someone who doesn’t deserve you can trigger all sorts of emotions: repressed anger, guilt, sadness, frustration, and even resentment. If you’ve ever experienced an unbalanced relationship like that, then you already know you were better off on your own. But if you are currently facing this problem, or are unsure where the balance lies, let me give you some advice: if someone isn’t lifting you up or supporting you, then you are better being alone.
When your partner doesn’t treat you with a loving manner, or respect you as they should, your relationship can feel like a lie. A fallacy perpetuated by your smiles and pandering attitude. Everyone around you thinks you are happy, but deep down inside, you’re experiencing a soul-crushing reality: you would rather be alone.
Listen to your gut instinct- it’s there for a reason. You deserve a relationship that empowers you and makes you a better version of yourself. Not the kind of relationship where you stress, worry, and fear. And while we’re at it, yes, fear does play a part in our thoughts on being alone. Many of us find comfort in the company of another and dread being by ourselves. It’s common to feel that way, but it is doing more harm than good.
When we are by ourselves we learn more about what makes us who we are. The things we really like, what makes us think, where our faults and strengths are- these are the parts of us we discover in our alone time.
I am going to tell you 5 reasons why it is always better to be alone than with someone who is undeserving of you:
1. They will suck the life out of you.
When we are around people we “vibe” with, or who make us feel all warm and fuzzy, we are usually filled with energy. However, when we are around people who constantly make us feel like we are worthless, or unappreciated, we begin to feel drained. That’s what happens when we are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve us.
2. You’ll regret the moments you wasted.
Eventually, you will start to regret the time you spent with the person who didn’t deserve you. You will feel like you wasted part of your life on something that could have been spent on better things. You might have passed up several opportunities and feel like maybe you should have invested your time more wisely.
Life is too short to live with regrets. Live your life, but don’t live it with someone who is undeserving. When you start spending more time by yourself, as your only company, you will start seeing how easy it is to start attracting the right people.
3. You’ll figure out what’s really important when you are alone.
When you finally figure out that you chose to be in this relationship, you will start to wonder why. Was it their personality, their smile, or did they like the same obscure film as you? When you spend time alone, you can ask yourself these questions and find what really attracted you to this undeserving person, and maybe you can figure out how to avoid this in the future.
Give yourself time to think and focus on what really matters to you. After you find your answers, you will know what qualities are important in a partner and find someone who truly deserves you.
4. They will destroy what little self-esteem you have.
A relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve you starts with the other person recognizing a sign of weakness. Whether you admit it or not, they saw a target on your forehead that read, “self-esteem issues.” It makes sense though, doesn’t it? The only reason we tolerate these people in our lives is because we don’t like ourselves enough to be without them. Being alone is the number one way to fix that self-esteem problem.
As I mentioned before, we need to spend time with ourselves to get to know ourselves. What don’t you like about yourself? Why don’t you like it? Is it really even you who doesn’t like it, or is it what other people have told you no to like? Spending time by ourselves can answer these questions and contribute immensely to building self-esteem. You have to learn to love yourself because if you don’t set an example to others as how you should be treated, then can you really blame them for abusing you the same ways you abuse yourself?
In short, you deserve to be with someone who deserves to be with you. Yet, as simple as that sounds, it is one of life’s hardest puzzles to solve. Here’s the thing: you need to spend time with yourself to get to know who you really are and what you really want out of life.
We think we have it all figured out and then something, maybe being with an undeserving partner, flips things on their head. When life throws you a curve ball, take a look around and see why it is happening. Does something need to change? Is it something about you?
It is always better to be alone than with someone who drags you down and will never be on your level. To find that person who does deserve you, you have to find yourself first.